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Let's
suppose you have done all you know to
do to communicate your anger appropriately,
yet you have not been received the way
you would like. What do you do? At this
point, some will resort to the unhealthy
forms of anger as they suppress their
emotions or become openly aggressive or
act in passive aggressive ways. Those
forms of managing anger are options (albeit
poor ones) so be prepared to have your
anger linger.
When assertiveness has
been tried, but has not been fully successful,
you still have one more option to consider,
releasing your anger. When you release
your anger, you accept the reality that
you cannot fully control circumstances.
You know you are limited and that is something
you can live with.
To get an idea
of what releasing anger is like, note
the following examples:
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A wife recognizes
her husband will always have traits
she does not like. She may draw her
boundaries so she is true to her own
priorities, yet she can also show
a willingness to accept him for what
he is. |
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An adult
son recognizes that his father will
never be able to love him. Because
he does not want to remain bitter
over this, he chooses to forgive him
even as he also determines to be a
much different father to his own children. |
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An employee
does not like some of his company's
policies yet he also determines that
he is not ready to move on to another
place of work. He recognizes that
no place of work is perfect and will
give his best effort in spite of his
differences in preferences. |
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A family
man recognizes that he has been too
inclined to be critical or cynical
in relating with relatives. He determines
to give higher priority to kindness
and encouragement, not because he
must, but because it seems like a
better way of life. |
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A friend feels
she has been wronged greatly by someone
who has been very close to her. She
speaks firmly to that person about
her feelings and determines not to
expose herself to repetitions of the
same disappointment, but she also
wisely chooses not to obsess about
the wrongdoing and she chooses not
to speak ill of that person behind
her back. |
Let's
keep in mind that releasing anger is much
different than suppressing anger. When
anger is suppressed, phoniness and pretense
become prominent in your relating style.
However when you release anger, you are
enacting true convictions based on the
fact that you have weighed your priorities
and have determined that better things
besides anger deserve your emotional energy.
Anger communication has its place in any
relationship, but love and kindness and
honor and forgiveness can be given greater
emphasis.
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