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Some
people are determined not to succumb to
the temptation to be rageful with anger,
but that doesn't mean they are without
anger. Rightly recognizing that open aggression
creates an atmosphere of great disrespect,
they refuse to explode loudly or get caught
in games of verbal abuse. These people,
however, can develop too strong of a determination
to avoid ugly anger and in doing so, they
become susceptible to passive aggression.
True to the definition of aggressive anger,
passive aggression involves preserving
personal worth, needs, and convictions
at someone else's expense, but it differs
in that it is accomplished in a more quiet
manner, causing less personal vulnerability.
To get an idea of the
nature of passive aggressive anger, look
over the following statements. Do any
of them seem familiar?
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When
I am frustrated I become silent, knowing
it bothers other people. |
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I am prone to sulk or pout. |
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When
I don't want to do a project I will
procrastinate. I can be lazy. |
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I
do things in my own timing and if
I am too slow or if I do things in
a different manner, then others are
just going to have to adjust to my
way. If they don't like it, that's
too bad. |
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There
are times when I am deliberately evasive
so others won't bother me. |
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I
sometimes approach work projects half-heartedly. |
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When
someone talks to me about our problems,
I'll say what they want to hear then
do what I want to do. |
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I
complain about people behind their
backs, but resist the opportunity
to be open with them face to face. |
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Sometimes
I become involved in hidden misbehaviors. |
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I
may not follow through on the favors
people want me to do as a way of letting
them know I didn't want to do them
in the first place. |
Passive
aggression is usually caused by a need
to have control with the least amount
of accountability. This form of anger
is different from suppressed anger because
the person is deliberately doing something
knowing it will agitate the other person
involved. Also, when people use this form
of anger, it represents a fear based manner
of handling conflicts. Healthy relationships
welcome openness, but passive-aggressives
fear that openness will be accompanied
by too high of an emotional price.
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