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Think
of the times you are most prone to feeling
anger (frustration, irritability, annoyance,
ect.) It is not experienced when people
are kind, cooperative, friendly, or encouraging.
Anger appears when the opposite of these
traits are present, when people are rude,
condescending, uncooperative, invalidating,
uncaring. What is triggering the anger?
Think carefully what your anger is wishing
to convey. Your anger is connected to
your sense of self-preservation. Specifically
you are wishing to preserve one of three
things:
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Your
worth as a human. ("Would you
please show me some respect?")
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Your
legitimate needs. ("Would you
recognize that I have needs that should
be tended to"?)
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Your
deepest convictions. ("I have
certain beliefs I will not back down
from.") |
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Think
about the legitimacy of this self-preservation.
Can you recognize that anger can have
a valid function? |
There
are plenty of circumstances when anger
can be quite appropriate. But as is the
case with many qualities that can begin
as good, anger can quickly get out of
hand and lead to negative expressions.
To get an idea if your anger is appropriate
or not, ask yourself the following questions:
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Am
I respectful toward others when I
communicate my anger?
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Do
I choose to expend my angry energy
on issues that really matter? |
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Do
I allow others the time to carefully
think about the matters I am addressing?
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When
communicating my anger, do I make
room for the fact that others have
different perspectives? |
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Do
I know when to cease when it is clear
that I have expressed myself fully?
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Is
the goal of my anger enlightenment
as opposed to control? |
Your anger can be managed
in constructive ways, but first you need
to be certain that it is being handled
with maturity and dignity.
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